I can remember the very first day we started working together, a Monday, how most weeks start. I showed John how to answer the emails that came in, bag up products to sell, how to take payments etc. It was lovely. That first month flew by and then the first 'payday' came. We no longer had a full-time wage from one of us coming in. But it was fine so we put one food shop on a credit card, some petrol on it a month later. Soon our outgoings were really exceeding our income. As it often does when you don't have money, we started having fights. We started working more, doing anything we possibly could to bring in some money.
I felt worthless. I had feelings of shame and inadequacy that wouldn't shift. I felt trapped in both my marriage and businesses. All these feelings I would have to shake off in order to step into the role of a powerful entrepreneur.
Apparently I am not very good at listening to messages the first time around. Stubborn. The first time I knew something had to change was a Wednesday evening. I got home from teaching to come and do more work and saw John happily playing his computer games without a care in the world. I flipped! I won't go into the depths of the argument but there was a lot of swearing.... use your imagination. I slept on the sofa that night, packed a bag the next morning, told him not to come to the office and not be there when I got home. The second was about 6months later. We had no money. I'm not talking we didn't have enough to buy a pizza kind of money. we had nothing. There was a slice of bread in our house to eat, only a few lightbulbs working as we couldn't afford new ones and even though it was December we had no heating as it had broken and we couldn't afford to get it fixed. Both times - pretty bad. Alright pretty bad is sugarcoating it. It was shit. You know that line in friends where Rachael Says 'But today, it's like there's rock bottom, then fifty feet of crap, then me.' I was further down than that.
It was then, that second time, I was sat under a million blankets trying to keep warn, I knew something, anything had to change. We needed to get out of this rut, this never ending horror and fear. I sat up for hours that night googling away trying to find some miracle cure that would help, something that would make everything better and we could move on with our lives. Alas, no magic genie appeared from my lamp. This was going to take some work.
I sat down with John to talk about what our problems were, where things had gone wrong, what we could do to improve them, put a budget in place, start planning for our future. The weight that lifted from my shoulders was amazing. I felt light and free again. I felt I could do anything.
That was over 2 years ago now and EVERYTHING has changed. All our business are back on track. We've had record breaking months in all our business. We've achieved goals quicker than I could have thought possible. We spend more time together, both doing business stuff but also dating again (Handy that a new Turkish restaurant opened up walking distance from our house!).
My point is, EVERYONE has the power to change their circumstances.
If you are losing hope with your business and your relationship, know that things can change. Things can get better but it will not happen magically overnight. You will need to do work. You will need to commit time to making your business and your relationship better.
1) Make sure you know where you're going.
You don't get into a car and just drive you have a SatNav (or map if you're old skool). Make sure you're both on the same path and know where you're going even if you don't know how you'll get there yet,
Block out an hour in your diary once a week to just have a chat about any problems that arose that week and come up with solutions for them.
There is no timeline in life. You don't have to have everything figured out right now. It is ok.
I cover even more tips in my Masterclass: 4 steps to making #couplegoals work: A Masterclass for women working with their partner who want an amazing business and personal life which I've bundled here with some downloadable fill in PDFs to go with it. Get access here.